So, You’re a People Pleaser…

I have spent so much of my life, if not all of it, seeking other peoples acceptance, approval and permission. It hit me like a Thor-God-of-Thunder-hammer to the face. Just sitting at the dining table with a friend. Like a goddam great epiphany. A deep-seated realisation. A bloody wake-up call!

I have no idea why or how this approval-life started. I’m not even sure that matters. I just know that I am not looking for it anymore. Fuck that!

I’m on the other side of my life now. I do not need approval or permission to live my life as I see fit! As I want to live it and in the way that it connects to me – the most authentic me.

I am not going to spend the remainder of my life pleasing those around me – simply just to PLEASE them and, let’s be honest, they shouldn’t want me to be that way either!

It doesn’t mean I’m going to turn into a right royal bitch who just says shit to cause shit. I am just going to make sure I am truthful to myself and what I do and what I want from now on.

If I want to write a goddam sarcastic, foul-mouthed blog – I’m going to do it!

If I want to say no to something that I don’t want to do or haven’t got the time for – I’m going to say it.

If it makes me uncomfortable or numb to the core – I’m going to walk away from it.

If I want to stay up late writing my novel – I am going to stay up til my eyes bleed and fingers burn.

I am not going to waste one more minute worrying about everyone else’s opinion of me. I am not going to worry that some dickhead might come out of the woodwork to sell stories to the media about me when I am a famous author…

Yep, really. This is one of my biggest permission-seeking fears. I’ve been waiting for some future dickhead, who may never exist, to give me permission to do what I love to do… Write!

If I want to be creative and follow my dreams, set goals and hunt them down like Carol Baskin did her husband then I’m going to take that thunder clapping hammer of Thors, and I am going to break down any fucking door I have to to get myself there.

Fuck living a mediocre life.
Fuck playing by someone else’s rules.
Fuck waiting for permission from other people in my life to be exactly who the fuck I want to be when I want to be it!

These are just a few life-sucking things you might being doing and should, at least, start becoming aware of before totally fucking them right off and out of your life…

1. You nod and agree with other peoples opinions. Stop selling your soul to the devil. We know you really, deep down, don’t believe the bullshit coming out of Susan’s inauthentic-shit-dribbling mouth – so stop nodding.
2. You apologise for EVERYTHING! Even to the incompetent shopper who is standing in the middle of the aisle, taking forever to choose a goddam tomato sauce. A simple “Could you move over, please?” is perfectly polite, direct and acceptable. Delete the s-word that you usually say first. Seriously! What the fuck do you have to be sorry about when they are standing in the way!
3. You feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings around you. If you didn’t actually CAUSE the angry/sad/whatever-the-fuck-feeling your cranky I-just-finished-a-12-hour-shift arsehole of a husband is feeling then don’t feel guilty about it! You did NOTHING WRONG!
4. You fill your life with other peoples stuff! Like saying YES to every fucking request anyone ever asks of you because you worry that saying no might mean they will be unhappy with you. Like you have inconvenienced them in some way. You haven’t! Prioritise yourself for a change!
5. You sabotage your own goals! This is as simple as eating that second slice of cake even though you have committed to becoming a healthier version of you. Just because Aunty Fuckface told you she’d be disappointed in you if you didn’t have another slice doesn’t mean you throw away your goals. Don’t let a social situation or other peoples opinions and ideas override your own!
6. You need praise to feel good. Yep, this one hurts to admit, right? But it is true. People-pleasers look for validation in everything they do. Are we doing it right? Are we good enough? Aren’t we funny/smart/pretty enough?
7. You avoid conflict at any cost! At. Any. Cost!! Stop not standing up for what or who you believe in – especially if that belief is the belief you have in YOU! Just stop it!
8. You don’t go beyond the superficial! Yep, it’s a tough call to make. But, if you are too scared to admit your true feelings about something because you are worried you will upset/disappoint/displease someone, then you aren’t being authentically you. It may come as a shock to you but you are entitled to have your own thoughts and feelings. So fucking own them!

You cannot be all things to all people all of the time. You need to start being and doing YOU. You deserve to be able to speak your truth, and to feel uniquely and wonderfully the whole bloody version of your goddessnesses (totally a word)!

So go get ’em, tiger! Go get your goddam glitter-unique-unicorn-shit-shine on and live this one and only life as the best and most authentic version of your glorious fucking self!

And in saying ALL that, and in the spirit of authenticity, my name is not London Dene xo